What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 06:24
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why did lobsters evolve bright colors if they are neither poisonous nor venomous?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Do straight guys like to see cocks?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why would Joseph Smith say that polygamy was God's law?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She married twice! .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
What would happen if the Earth stopped spinning for one minute?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why does an older married man turn bisexual?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But it wasn’t much.
And i lived it daily.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Baltimore restaurant wins James Beard Award - WBAL-TV
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Comes on , in middle age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I will be 64.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was in good health!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was 9 years of age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Who then, do I blame.?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
All the time i was locked up.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I said to her
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was scared of men, in general
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So, i spoilt her more .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
My family never makes their pension either.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So whats the point in blame.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She found it foreign!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It was going to be , some day.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But, we were locked up after school.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?